You who died for me
Please, now
withhold nothing from me.
As I fight to press forward
on unsteady feet.

Give me all that I need
Give me all that I need
You have all that I need

To pay
for the stay
At the Children’s hospital.

To build a home
With room to roam
And rest for our guests
When life’s impossible.

Wisdom to walk
These turbulent paths
Where anger and grief
Fight their way into homeschool.

Where deep disease
And deeper things
Send bubbles up
To the top of the pool.

Hope to look forward.
Faith to let go.
Room to breathe easy
Inside of my soul.
And grace with these kids
Who need more than I have
And they ask and they ask and they ask and they ask.

Give them ears to hear
When I read your words.
Give me eyes to see
Your unfolding work.

It’s a mess! It’s emerging.
Falls apart! It’s revealing.
Chaos! Construction.
Look almost the same
And the angles I’m seeing
Leave me worn down and bleeding
And heartsick and grieving
A limp leads to lame.

But a limp could be healing.

Could be on its way.
It could be on its way.
This could be giving way.
That this mess
Is the threshold
Of life breaking in.

Only so long can pain
Hold the healer at bay.
Only so long and then the pain has to give way.
We groan and we hurt
For only so long
Then it cannot keep winning
For the healing is strong.

When it comes from the hand
Who made all to begin with
And He wills that
the wholeness and mending
Be true,
What disease can hold back

He

Who makes all things new?

The sorrow is great
But the healing is more.
The trouble is deep
But the Savior is sure.

So be with me.
Remind me.
You have it in hand.
When life asks and it asks
And I can’t, I just can’t.
When the flood billows up
And I can’t see the way
And the people are precious
But I can’t keep them safe.

You are He
And I need
Who you are right now.

Give me eyes to see.
Give me knees that bow.
Laying down how I strive
To hold it all up
And keep it all down
And fill all these cups.

I am nothing.
I have nothing.
And I’m spent up against it.
This life I was never intended to fight with.

Help me look at this gap
Of all I don’t know
And fill it with trust
And hold up this soul
That is wheezing and breaking
And frightened and hurt.
Help me know that you see.
Help me see that I’m heard.

Will you do a new thing
While I carry the old?
It’s a part of me now
Though I try to let go.
I flinch and I limp
And strange things make me cry
And a limp leads to lame.

Or a limp leads to life.

So, Lord, tend to my limp
As I limp up to you
As I look at it all
And don’t know what to do.

Lord, tend to my limp
For I want to be strong.
Not crippled and crumpled
On roads much too long.

If you’ve marked out this course,
You must give me the strength
And my heart must have healing
To weather its length.

I need you
So help me
Limp into this place

Where I don’t try to fix
I just search for your face.

Where I stop fighting trust
And lean into embrace.

It hurt.
And you know.
We go on
Anyway.

Safe does not mean no pain.
Safe does not mean no limp.
Safe does not mean I choose
Where I go, where I’ve been.

Safe is you loving me.
Safe is you never leave.
Safe is you above, behind, before and beneath.

You love me.
You’re with me.
And in all that’s ahead
I am safe
Safe is you
Wherever I tread.

---

“So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.“

–Hebrews 12:12-13

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.

–Psalm 37:23

You keep track of all my sorrows.
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.

-Psalm 56:8

Psalm 139

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
² You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
³ You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
⁵ You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
⁸ If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
¹² Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

¹⁹ Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
²⁰ For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
²¹ Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
²² I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
²⁴ And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.