“Yet the children of Manasseh could not drive out the inhabitants of those cities, but the Canaanites were determined to dwell in the land. And it happened, when the children of Israel grew strong, that they put the Canaanites to forced labor, but did not utterly drive them out.”

-Joshua 17:12-13

And so it was in Judah and Ephraim before Manasseh. Tribe by tribe, they receive their long-awaited land. And tribe by tribe, once they have it, they ignore God’s instructions.

How normal this is-to follow directions to a “T” until we have what we want, and then drop all the effort once we feel secure.

This choice, across Israel, would come back to haunt them: uprisings, idolatry, comparison…our hearts can generate all these things without the extra help. But how tragic when it is OUR CHOICE and we allow factors in our life to remain when we know they defy You, and that, in time, they will lure our hearts away.

Lord-

Show me my own heart. Show me harmful inhabitants to whom I have chosen to offer sanctuary, thinking presumptuously that I can enslave them to perform MY will, when all the while, they shackle my heart to deeper darkness and whisper that the light is now too far away for me to reach.

Daily, you reveal in me things I would prefer not to see; choices I would prefer not to see in that light.

But it is love that tells me the truth. So help me, Lord, to cherish the truth, even when it is uncomfortable, humbling, and calls for change.

“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.”

-Revelation 2:4

I realized I am having an affair.

A love affair with money. Forsaking the requests for attention by my first love for the demands of my mistress.

Who has my attention? My desire? My obsession? What is the subject of my thoughts and worries, my plans and hopes?

Is it You, Lord?

Chapters 4 and 5 of II Chronicles detailed how Solomon used up so much precious metal in the building of the temple that he DIDN’T COUNT IT.

An earlier chapter states that he loved You.

When was the last time I gave to You and didn’t count it up? Didn’t pay attention to every detail of exactly what I gave up? When someone has your heart, that’s how you treat them. You’re not counting. Anything they want, anything they need: “YES, take it, it’s yours, because I am yours, completely.”

You certainly don’t meet their requests with: “No, look how much I’ve already given you.” 

Not when they have your heart. When they have your heart, they have everything.

“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

-Matthew 6:21

I know I have yours. You gave it freely without ever looking back.

“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not, with Him, also freely give us all things?”

–Romans 8:32

That’s what someone who’s truly in love acts like.

I have been pondering Solomon’s request for several days. He asked for wisdom and You acclaimed him for it, and so I have assumed that’s the BEST thing one could ask for.

But as I watch his story unfold, as he raced after wealth and power and security and wives and holdings…I decided that was HIS story, this is mine.

I do not want my own wisdom, lest I lean on it and run after other loves.

I want to love You.

So give me an enduring, deep, aching, paralyzing, burning, freeing, lasting love for You, Lord. I want to love nothing else in your place. I want to remember that I don’t need what I so desperately think I do.

You asked me to follow You, and I cried “but what if it uses up my entire savings account?!”

“where your treasure is…”

–Matthew 6:21

100% of affairs make you miserable. They are poison to a heart intended to beat for one alone.

“You cannot love both God and money.”

–Matthew 6:24

That which occupies my thoughts…THAT is what I love.

“Do not worry…”

–Matthew 6:34

Sweet whispers from the One who would see me be free from the blackmail of fear; who would take me into His arms again without hesitation, though my loyalties have once again proven false.

I have been in a panic – pleading with You to make this okay by giving me more of another’s love.

You must feel spit upon.

Give me more of You, Lord. If the savings account goes empty, You may have it. It is Yours. I am Yours. If I never become anything more than what I have already been, grant me this: that I grow closer to You. That I learn to truly love you,

having counted the cost, and yet…not counting at all.