Jericho: walking uncomfortable circles

“Now the gates of Jericho were securely barred because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in.”

Joshua 6:1

Two weeks remained before our move-out date.

It had been an exhausting day of preparation and logistics. Managing the medical needs of our family at baseline is challenging, but setting up the infrastructure for our almost-four-year-old’s care, follow-up and services four states away had proven to be loads of paperwork, phone calls, and unresolved pieces that would just need to be handled in person when we arrived.

A few days ago, we’d gotten our immediate housing figured out – a rental 25 minutes away from our property.  We both felt a hard-to-explain peace and confidence about taking this next step closer to our land and doing it now – this very month. But at the same time, my logical (anxious) brain wondered, what are we going to do once we get there? We still won’t be prepared to start building a house, we’ll just be more exhausted than we are now, working to get all the every-day life stuff set up again in a new place, and living closer to a property we don’t yet have the means or the wisdom to build on.


Nearing bedtime, we collapsed on the couch together with the kids and pulled out a Bible Verse storybook my mom had gotten them for Christmas. 

We opened to where we had last left off, and the page read:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
-Joshua 1:9

Then, it continued:

“After forty years in the desert, the Israelites were finally ready to enter their Promised Land. The first city they came to was Jericho. It was surrounded by walls and looked impossible to enter!”

Cody and I looked over the top of the book at each other and wearily grinned. They’d wandered in the wilderness, they’d finally reached their land, but actually entering it looked impossible. This was the right story for today.

As we continued through the story of Joshua and the Israelites getting up and walking around the city day after day, and then watching God keep his promise to bring the mighty walls down right before their eyes, my heart was moved. I think we’re supposed to get up there, and just walk around the border of our land. We should do it seven times, just like the Israelites did. I think before we try to move anything forward, we should just walk around it, and take stock of how we need the Lord to do what we cannot.

I finished the story and looked at Cody as I closed the book.

“I think when we get up there,” Cody smiled, “we should walk around the border of our land seven times.”

I laughed out loud. “I had the same thought!”

A week later, I had just finished a run to the song, “The Battle Belongs to You.” I stopped to stretch as I sang along and began praying over all the things. The move, the medical care, Benaiah’s headaches, Cody’s headaches.

I got on my knees.

The missionaries we would be listening to and hosting and caring for, the deep hurts people carry, my kids leaving their friends, the land, the preparation to build a house, the costs coming up. Would it work out? Where would we even start? “Lord, I can’t make it all work. It has to be you! This is your battle, I’m not strong enough.” I prayed.

When you get up there, walk around your land seven times, and ask me to bring down the walls that stand in your way, the thought came again.

I started to cry.

“Cody,” I looked at him as I walked into the house and pulled off my headphones, “I had that walk-around-the-land-seven-times thought again. Do you think we really should? How far around do you think it even is? I’m thinking we should set aside our first seven weeks in North Carolina,” the words were spilling out now, “and take the kids with us, and go every Wednesday morning and walk around the whole border and just beg the Lord to fight the battle for us. We need Him to do this, not just the house build, but everything that follows. Every heart battle that takes place there, every discouraged and weary soul who comes to rest and get their bearings – they’re in a fight that you and I don’t have the power to fix or help with. But He does and we need to ask Him to do it. If we are to have any hope of making a difference, it has to be Him, only Him! But walking all the way around the border that many times is a lot, I don’t know, what do you think?”

“I was serious the first time,” Cody replied. “What do we have to lose? It can only help to set aside that first seven weeks and get our hearts in a place of recognizing we need Him.”

Later, I called my sister to tell her our plan. “We’re calling them the Jericho Weeks, Debby, and you can come, too, if you like, and pray with us.”

“You know what all that walking will do, Beka?” she asked.

“What?” I wondered.

“It will make a path.”



We are 5 weeks into our time here in North Carolina and our family has walked what we now call “the Eremos mile” five times. Our Jericho circle treads through creeks, thorns, wetlands, swamp, and hilly forest. And not one time has it been easy. I have developed a new sympathy for the fatigue the Israelites may have felt when they roused to go out for lap four and five.

As they marched out of camp day after day for another long walk around the city, I imagine the men of Israel might have quietly wondered what it was accomplishing. God told the priests and the fighting men to walk around an impenetrable wall once every day for six days. Then seven times on the seventh day.  Each soldier and priest surveyed every inch of that wall on foot, not once, but thirteen times. The frustrating wall was constantly in their field of view as they walked. They got to really take in how solid it was as they spent their energy circling but never besieging. Looking but not fighting. Slowly, day after day, they walked and they looked and they knew. There was no way in.

It reminds me of another moment in their early history as free people escaping Egypt.

It took place at the Red Sea, where God led them on purpose to a place with no exit route. But it’s not the moment they walked through the sea on dry land that I’m talking about – it’s the waiting before the path opened up. God didn’t open the waters in the nick of time, as Pharoah crested the horizon, while he was still too far away to catch up. God allowed the Egyptian army to come and make camp.

“Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to the rear of the camp. The pillar of cloud also moved from the front and stood behind them.  The cloud settled between the Egyptian and Israelite camps. As darkness fell, the cloud turned to fire, lighting up the night. But the Egyptians and Israelites did not approach each other all night.”

-Exodus 14:19-21

Every man, woman and child in Israel waited on the shore, hour after hour, feeling in their very bodies the impossibility that spread in front of them in the form of the vast sea, and the uncomfortable reality of the enemy camp nearby. There was no way across. And all night the Egyptians were there, but the Lord stood between, not allowing them to approach.

Before He opens a path, I think sometimes the Lord gives me time – deeply uncomfortable time – to take stock of how impossible that path is. I hate that, because I’d rather focus my energy and attention on an area of my life where I feel like I have some control, than circle and circle and constantly hold in my view a situation where I need help and I don’t know how to make headway.

What are all these laps accomplishing? It’s not that walking around walls contributes to what God is doing in some way. Sometimes, “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” may look like obeying something that makes no sense and produces no progress, just because He told you to do it, and you trust Him.

And perhaps in the walking, the reality of my need sinks deeper and deeper into my heart with every lap until I have finally released the idea that I can work out this problem on my own. I think the longer I walk, the more my heart strains upward, a deep and solemn knowing settling over me that there is no other way, except that the Almighty might reach down and do something – I am at His mercy. But that is a beautiful and profound place to come to, because His mercies run fresh all the time. I am always met with mercy and grace to help me when I come boldly to his throne in my need. And as I obediently walk in circles around the impossible or stand still on its shoreline, perhaps by that seventh lap, on that seventh day, I am ready to die to my own strength.

And that is what prepares me to walk forward in His.

Sometimes those exhausting holding patterns in our lives are training the very thing that is straining against them.

The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many warriors with you. If I let all of you fight the Midianites, the Israelites will boast to me that they saved themselves by their own strength.” 

-Judges 7:2

“Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.”

-Ephesians 6:10

God hasn’t said to Cody and I that the walls will fall down, but we feel His prompting to go walk out this story in a similar vein to the Israelites long ago. What will happen after the seventh circle on the seventh day? We don’t know. Maybe nothing. I hope we see Him more clearly.

And as we press into the unknowns ahead of us, we will have spent seven weeks and thirteen miles in the uncomfortable, necessary work of reminding our hearts

That we are not enough, and that He is.

That we cannot make a way, but that He can.

That this is too hard for us, but that nothing is too hard for Him.

And that is the place we want to kneel before we stand and walk into the next step. May we get low in the waiting and die to our own strength. Then may we stand up, and stand firm, according to the power that is at work within us.

“That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,  that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—  to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us to Him be glory…”

-Ephesians 3:16-21

“Have you never heard?
    Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
    No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
    and strength to the powerless.

 Even youths will become weak and tired,
    and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.”

-Isaiah 40:28-31

Anchor Rope: untangling our hope from our plans for tomorrow

“Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year….How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?…What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil.”

James 4:13-16
 

I’ve been under a lot of pressure this week, and the symptoms of that pressure have been messy. I yelled across the house and threw a pillow on the floor. I thought angry thoughts and spoke in harsh tones.


We’ve had a super busy schedule, some changing plans, and a lot of moving pieces we’re trying to keep track of, but I think what threw me the most was an email mentioning that there might be a problem with our paperwork.

We’ve applied for our work permits so we can serve long-term in Papua New Guinea. As far as anyone knew, we had prepared perfectly, but the requirements are changing and getting stricter. We’re working on it, and we’re hopeful that they’ll still let us come, but it’s a wait-and-see situation. It’s an at-the-mercy-of-someone-else’s-decision situation.

I have found that I have a lot of emotions toward this development. In short, it makes me want to pull my hair out. I’m already aching under the pressure every day, because I know we can’t possibly make it all work. We can chase every detail we know of down and something unexpected can still come up. Even if we knew what all the factors were, we couldn’t control them all. We can’t even change ourselves to handle it better.

My stress reveals that I have let myself start thinking my plans are a certain thing. Again.

Oh, how I love to decide that I know what will happen next. It’s pretentious and evil. And it is so, so easy for me to slip into. I love to plan all the specifics as if I’m the one in control. But I’m not. And when I’ve been nurturing my love affair with the planner, I hesitate to depend on the One I need so badly. Just because he might be allowing one of my precious plans to be threatened, I allow that hesitation and fear to make me miserable. And I throw pillows at the floor because I’m so frustrated.

And then there’s Cody, out mowing the lawn like everything will be okay. Just doing the next thing and waiting. Because everything will be okay. Our hope was never in those details.

Oh girl. You’ve got to go get your hope back. Pull it back and pick it up and detach it, strand by strand, from all those pretentious specifics you’ve let it wrap around. Lay the tangled thing at the feet of your Savior and let him braid it into something sturdy: an anchor rope. So every single thread leads to him and his faithfulness.

Then you will not be thrown when things do not go like you expect or when a certain course of action is threatened.

Yes. That plan might not work. But everything will be okay. You’ll be okay. Your family will be okay. Our God knows exactly what you’ll need for the journey you didn’t know to plan for. He knows just how to navigate every turn in the road and he is faithful to use our lives to do the work he is planning, even and especially when it doesn’t line up with what we’re planning.

He’s a good leader. He won’t drag us at such a breakneck speed that we have no option but to drown or let go. He prepares the path and walks it first and lends the strength so that we are surely able to follow the whole way.

Oh Lord,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for trying to take this back and make it mine. I can’t make these plans turn out. I don’t know everything we’ll need for what’s ahead, or if we’ll even get cleared to take the next step. Can you help my heart release the process to you?

Will you help me trust you to get us there?

I want to do a really good job at this and I want to look good doing it. And that leads me to a place where I obsess and get so upset over the lists and the timing and the unknowns. I’m yearning to be perfect, impressive, on-the-ball, ahead of schedule, all-knowing, prepared for everything. But these goals are only throwing me off balance and adding unnecessary pressure.

Help me unhook my hope from prideful ambitions and pretentious specifics. That kind of obsession does not honor you or the people I’m serving. A humble heart holds all its plans up to you as ideas that could be improved upon and takes on the changes that come with great hope for what you are about to do.

“When you came down long ago, you did awesome deeds beyond our highest expectations. And oh, how the mountains quaked! For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him!”

Isaiah 64:3-4

Let’s take it back to this simple, steadying truth:

There is no God like you.

I am not impressive. But you are. And its not up to me to make your plan work. I am not under all this pressure to see to every detail. I can simply look at, listen to, follow, obey, and be rescued by a God unlike any other.

Again and again, my whole life long, as often as I need you, you will be there. You will exceed my highest expectations, you will handle the things I didn’t see coming, and you will do incredible work as I wait on you.

Nothing surprises you. Nothing threatens your plans. So I will bring this problem before you and ask you to work on our behalf.

Lord, I believe you’ve led us here, to this point, and you are asking us to keep believing you, to keep watching, and to see how you will make a way for us. We trust you, so we can just go mow the lawn while we wait. Because our hope is tied to a sturdy, unchanging anchor, not to our idea of what tomorrow should look like.

“No human wisdom or understanding or plan can stand against the Lord. The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord.”

Proverbs 21:30-31